Guilt

I have been feeling guilty lately, I have read so many web sites, and blogs of other people with cancer, and all seem to be so hardly effected by chemo and radiation. I feel as if I don't even have the right to say I have a life threatening disease. I have all the classic symptoms of chemo: nausea, diarrhea, mouth sores, night sweats, boughts of being tired, and sensitivity to cold. The sensitivity to cold is very wierd, when ever I pick up something cold for a week after chemo it feels like my hand is being pricked by a thousand needles. Before starting chemo I was severly anemic, since the chemo started my red blood cell count has gone up and I actually feel better now. I pray to God to help me eliminate my feelings of guilt as I know they are a distraction from his plan for me. I believe he allows me to feel better so I can update this blog and go to church, work, mall, grocery store, and meet the people I am to be ministering to through my cancer. I thank God for everyone's support and prayers. I do not wish for anyone to respond to this update I simply needed a good place to type what I have been feeling. My Aunt Helen has kept a diary for as long as I can remember and I hope she still does, because writing or typing down your thoughts and feelings can be very good theropy. God bless all my family and friends.

P.S. I have received so many e-mails and e cards from everyone I am sorry I have not had time to respond.